• I STARTED to pay the cashier for dinner at a local restaurant the other day and, as she rang up the total and the change I had coming, she broke into laughter! I should have received $1.36 cents in change, but the receipt showed that I had $6,274,940.16 in change coming! I thought of calling for a Brinks Truck to handle my change — but, after she regained her composure, and I regain consciousness, it was determined that she had entered some wrong numbers. The name of the restaurant? My lips are sealed — since the cashier was very embarrassed and I was given a free slice of pie to take with me instead of the $6,274,940.16 in change. The cashier also gave me the receipt to keep and read as I ate the world’s most expensive slice of banana pie — all $6,274,940.16 of it! Life is good in Decatur, Illinois.
• I GOT out of my car (the infamous Christine) in front of Casey’s this morning and the “music” blasting from the car next to me was so loud that I was surprised Christine didn’t drive off without me! (Christine, as you know is a very sensitive, high-strung car.) I don’t know if the car was occupied because the heavy tint on the windows made it impossible to see who was inside, but the motor was running and the heavy beat scared all of the birds out of the parking lot! Maybe there was a rap music band inside the car. I’m not sure. One thing I’ve noticed about the ear-deafening beats that often come out of some cars — there’s never any classical music, big band music, golden oldies music, or any other kind — it’s always music that gives older people a headache and many of us are half-deaf! Maybe, one of these days, when I hear that music blasting out of a car, I will, in a weak moment (I have a lot of those) move closer to the car and start doing some kind of dance (this is one of the “ugly” parts of the headline) like Chubby Checker’s “The Twist” with the music. So, if some early morning you see a gyrating guy being led away by people in white coats — that may be me.
• A COUPLE of owls were placed in the courtyard of our building in order to keep the pigeons away. (Pigeons are supposedly afraid of owls.) I’m not sure how effective the owls are in frightening the pigeons. Last week, I looked down into the courtyard and a pigeon was sitting on a fake owl’s head! A couple of years ago, when the same pigeon problem was happening, I saw a male pigeon doing his “mating strut” in front of the fake owl! I raised pigeons when I was a boy so I recognized the “mating strut”. I see it a lot today — not in pigeons, but in most of the commercials I hear and see for candidates running for public office who want my vote. Every time I see a television commercial begin with a terrible photo of a candidate I know that his or her opponent placed it. Remember when candidates focused on telling you why you should vote for them — instead of why you should not vote for their opponents? I liked politics better then.
• THERE’S an old saying that a person should “never watch sausage being made” because they probably will never eat sausage again. That probably could be applied to watching last week’s Senate Judiciary Committee Hearings on the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh — except, after watching, you probably didn’t want to eat anything for awhile! When I watched some of last Thursday’s hearing, I thought a new television soap opera had been launched: “As The Stomach Turns”. That was really ugly for everybody…so ugly that…that…that…I may not eat sausage for awhile! God heal this nation…please!
–From 10/3/18 print edition of the Decatur Tribune