Paul Osborne's



Thief Doesn't Know His Right Foot

From His Left Foot

       I WALKED to Raupp’s Shoes, downtown, the other day (it’s the only place I buy my shoes) and while I was there, I was told an interesting story.
    It seems that a thief was in the store recently and made off with a pair of shoes.
    Apparently, the thief graduated at the bottom of his class in “Thiefdom University”, because the pair of shoes that he grabbed were for the same foot!
    Imagine his surprise when he put on the shoes and both shoes were for the same foot!!!
    I guess he grabbed them from a shoe display and took off.
    This is an authentic case of some guy not knowing his right foot from his left foot -- or someone who, when it comes to dancing, has “two left feet”.
    If you see some guy hopping around with a shoe on one foot, he’s probably the thief!

 • FOLLOWING the “shoe caper” I was walking through Central Park headed for the post office and the city employee who works hard to keep the park and fountain looking nice, approached me and said “You’re not going to believe this.”
    She explained that she was mowing the grass in the park and, when lunch time came, she decided to walk over to a bench near the fountain to eat her lunch.
    When she finished her lunch and went back to continue mowing -- the mower was gone!
    That’s right.  In broad daylight someone swiped the city’s push mower.
    She said the mower was just barely out of her line of sight as she was eating her lunch and the culprit apparently sneaked to the other side of the fountain and then swiped the mower making sure to keep the fountain between the mower and her so she couldn’t see him.
    That happened in broad daylight at lunch time!

 • AS I WAS in the Subway restaurant on North Park Street (across from Central Park) to pick up a sandwich, a man came in, took a bag of potato chips and started to leave.
    “You didn’t pay for the chips,” the employee behind the counter said to him.
    “I did earlier, with a meal I got here,” he yelled back and went on out the door.
    The employee checked the register and said, “He didn’t buy any meal here.”
    When I got outside, he was long gone.
    Who steals a small bag of potato chips?

 • SO, IF YOU have seen some guy pushing a mower, munching on a bag of potato chips and walking like a duck because he has two left shoes on his feet -- he is probably the serial thief and a downtown public nuisance.
    I doubt if there are three different “brilliant” thieves involved in the three incidents above -- but it is entirely possible in this day and age. 

    • SINCE I mentioned in the earlier part of this column the City of Decatur employee who works hard to keep Central Park and the fountain looking great, she told me what she faces each morning when she comes to work. (I won’t use her name because she doesn’t want the publicity.)
    In order to keep the fountain and area around it looking nice, she has to clean out vomit, human excrement and some substances that would probably have to be sent to a lab to determine what they are.
    Some people use the fountain as a giant bathtub leaving soap suds everywhere which can damage the water circulation system of the fountain.
    She’s a hard-working City of Decatur employee, but I’m not sure the specs for her job include such clean-ups that are totally unnecessary.
    Before I became mayor I spent five years collecting money as matching funds to replace the shell of what had once been the old fountain with its broken lights, electrical system, destroyed bowl, stagnant water and a few “squirts” of water that came out.
    I didn’t mind the effort but it does bother me that a major private/public investment in the fountain, transfer house refurbishing and the park    doesn’t have better security to protect it.
    I enjoy seeing a lot of people eating their lunch in the park, or sitting on the benches and watching the fountain. That’s what was intended for the area.
    Central Park, the transfer house,  fountain and area are meant for the enjoyment of all of our citizens.
    Like most things in our society today, it only takes a few to ruin it for everybody else.
    The next time you see the hard-working city employee making the park and fountain look inviting, thank her, and any other city employees, for their efforts.
    It’s not an easy job -- and certainly has its share of frustrations.

 Lt. Jonathan Butts

• Macon County Sheriff’s Office Lt. Jonathan Butts announced Monday evening that he is a candidate for sheriff.
    Butts made the announcement  before a crowd in the Adult Activity Room of the Decatur Public Library.
    Macon County Sheriff Thomas Sch-neider an-nounced last month that he will not be running for re-election.
    Butts is the second candidate coming out of the sheriff’s office.  Lt. Jim Root announced his intention to run for the office last month and Lt. Tony Brown, another member of the sheriff’s department is expected to announce his candidacy soon.
    Obviously, Butts, Root and Brown  (when he announces), bring decades of experience in the sheriff’s office with their candidacies.
    Present Sheriff Schneider is not picking a favorite but working to help the candidates in their races.
    The citizens will be well-served by the candidate who emerges victorious in this election.

Listen to the “City Hall Insider” hour with Paul Osborne on Byers & Co. at 7:00 every Thursday morning over NEWS/TALK 1340 WSOY or visit our website at decaturtribune.net and find us on Facebook.

​​Central Park Fountain in Downtown Decatur

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